This afternoon I was talking to a friend via the illustrious internet, the topic was how bad his internet was, as it was capped for the month. He sent me a picture via Telegram which, even on a good day, is terrible at file transfer of any kind. Particularly so, of course, when the sender’s internet is not having a good time.

He says “it will be interesting to see how long telegram takes to send 10kb” to which I replied “5 eyars”

“Not years?” he wondered.

“yeah eyars are different somehow, let’s discuss how, you go first”

“years as measured by the passage of sound”

From here it got about as out of hand as an asinine conversation can.

The speed of sound is 1225.044km/h at sea level

The speed of light is 1,079,252,850km/h

That means sound takes 880,883.97 years to travel one light year.

These numbers are so large that they are simply meaningless, such that I decided we’re just going to say that it takes 5 units of a fucking long time.

But that’s a good thing, because now you can deduce that:

1 eyar = 5 units of a fucking long time = 880,993.96754 years

Thereafter it was decided that we are full of sound logic, but it takes 10 measures of being full of shit to make sound logic.